Earlier this month it was brought to my attention that white girls are ruining everything. Specifically, white feminists, but you knew that already. In London some white girl was upset by a sign in a tube station that basically told people to be polite to each other. She took that to mean “Men, make sure you harass a woman today.”
On Twitter someone called Eric Nimmer a ginger again, and Susan was all too happy to defend him until he tweeted her to sit down. Susan promptly deleted her tweet in shame for fear of being labeled an idiot. Over in the US Senate, the resident white girl Dianne Feinstein of California announced that she would vote against the first female CIA nominee. Thank goodness there are some white knights with good sense to nominate Gina Haspell. Not to be outdone, Nicole Arbor decided to ruin one of the most profound pieces of work America has ever seen: Childish Gambino. What makes this the most egregious sin of all is that a white girl actually thought she could make a video inspired by his greatness that would be admired.
The lesson in all of these tales: White girls can’t fix anything, so they should stop trying. It’s not your job to change the world; you’re supposed to make sandwiches and take care of the kids. Now get back in the kitchen before #WhiteGirlsRuinEverything again!