Washington, DC- In the wake of Elizabeth Warren’s claims of Cherokee heritage being vindicated, President Donald Trump has himself taken a DNA test.
President Trump is 1/1024th sub-Saharan African.
UNN managed to reach the President for comment. “This is great news. I always knew I was black. My mother’s family has very thick curly hair.”
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced that President Trump will be re-doubling his efforts to build the border wall with Mexico: “As a person of color, the President has suffered under the oppression of wealthy old white men and wants to do everything he can to provide jobs for his fellow African-Americans. These jobs are being taken by Mexican nationals illegally crossing into the US. He is calling on President Nieto of Mexico to check his white privilege and to provide funding for the construction of the wall.”
As the 2nd black President of the United States, Trump feels his chances of winning re-election in 2020 are high. “Obama had overwhelming support from the black community, and his father was from Africa! Unlike Obama, my family had once been slaves in the South. I can better relate to the struggles of my people.”
Prominent black civil rights activists Shaun King and Rachel Dolezal have embraced Trump, not only for his black heritage but also for his shared love of tanning salons.
Since the DNA results have been released, late night hosts such as Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Jimmy Kimmel are facing strong backlash from the LGBTQ+, BLM, and ISIS communities. “The ‘jokes’ that these ‘comedians’ have been spouting are both disgusting and racist. Trump is a good person and these cis white men are abusing their platform to bring a brother down,” said BLM spokesman Preston Jackson.
There is no word yet on whether Trump will now be receiving a Noble peace prize but based on Putin’s recent comment of “Now I have a token black friend,” most experts agree that he will be winning one this year.