Steven Crowder Shows His Love for Cats

By June 5, 2018Real Fake News

Dallas, TX – Steven Crowder, 30, has recently come out of the closet as a cat-loving fanatic. He said his fascination with the little feline fur-balls started when he was just a young boy. His neighbor’s dachshund, Spetzel, chased after Crowder and bit him repeatedly on the ankle. “It hurt a lot,” the CRTV host told our UNN reporter. “I suddenly had this burning desire to eradicate all canines within 5,000 miles of me, humanely of course.”

When asked about his current dog, Hopper, Crowder responded, “Oh him. Well, Hopper isn’t even really a dog. He’s just a really, really big cat.” This clarification explains why Hopper constantly attempts to scratch comedian Owen Benjamin whenever he sees this “dog.”

Crowder confessed to having over 80 cats in his apartment. His wife had to move out due to her cat allergy.

“Mittens is my favorite cat, but I like Skittles, too. Spook is silly, and Ginger is ornery and a bit mischievous at times. But they’re all sweet deep down,” Crowder said.

He is considering quitting his job at the popular show Louder with Crowder in order to fulfill his true passion, cat breeding. The show will be taken over by the show’s German intern, Sven Computer. Sven will be assisted by Not Gay Jared, who is getting tired of Crowder constantly urging him to wear a cat onesy.

He has asked UNN to spread awareness of the pro-cat and anti-dog movement by using the hashtag #CToo.

Gaelic Bear

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