SJW Book Review: Moby’s Dick – The Search for the White Male

By August 17, 2018Real Fake News

New Bedford, MA – To combat the racism and other forms of bigotry in the classic American novel Moby Dick by Herman Melville, a San Franciscan feminist has written a new (and quite frankly better) version of the book entitled Moby’s Dick – The Search for the White Male.

There are two related stories occurring simultaneously in the new novel during the year 1835. One involves a woman’s frantic search for a certain toxic, white male who was just trying to provide for his family made up of his stay-at-home wife and his two children. He worked on a whaling ship where he had frequent encounters with an elusive, white whale.

The woman, who identified as pansexual, dressed as a man to board the ship and hunt him down. Just as he figured out who she was, their ship was attacked by the whale for the last time and went down quickly. The woman and her white male enemy were the only two survivors. They made it to shore, but there the man had no ship to retreat to in order to stay away from the she-demon. As a last resort, he went to the place he knew she would never enter, the ghetto. Instead of following him, she wrote letters to the New Bedford Chronicle and other newspapers to report his bigotry. She also sent out letters to everyone she could reach using passenger pigeons, a new technology she referred to as “tweeting.”

Her proof of his bigotry was voluminous. First, he moved into a black ghetto where he committed the heinous act of cultural appropriation (as he had started to immerse himself into ghetto culture over the many years that he lived there). Second, he did NOT see color. And most importantly, he provided for his family when his wife could have done just as well or better at providing while he stayed home and raised their gender-neutral children.

Eventually, the public heard about his racism and sexism and banned him from showing his face in public. His children were harassed and teased at school. His wife constantly had to lie by claiming to be his sister who deeply disapproved of his actions.

Meanwhile, the white whale was happily living among his black counterparts in the ocean, free from the disruption that the whalers had brought. He knew that the color of his skin was the only thing that separated them.

This author (who refuses to be named) has written a beautiful story that captures the best of the original novel and throws out the worst outdated parts of it. It is a creative, original, and very “woke” story. It is sure to be remembered fondly as a modern literature classic for all future generations.

Gaelic Bear

Author Gaelic Bear

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