“A fool and his dirty money are soon parted.”

San Bernardino, CA – Southern Commifornia’s on-the-ground action reporter and cultural corespondent PunishBEAR and three of his brothers went undercover at local mud run on Sunday afternoon to look into the now-international trend of paying to get down and dirty. The reporter and his covert team ran a 5K that can cost almost as much as the distance for the everyday Joe (or Joan) Schmo.

The initial cost was $35 per person with an internet inconvenience fee of $8 and change. With a same-day on-site registration fee of $65 per person. Plus $10 for parking (with an attempted $10 VIP parking up-charge ), an additional fee of $10 per spectator, an add-on fee of $5 per bag check, and food-truck-quality food with food-truck prices.

All for the prestigious honor of a 3.106856-mile jog/walk on used dirt-bike trails with some subpar obstacles. Also a participation medal, hippie head-wrap, and the pride that you can outrun fatties.

Untrained and proud, PunishBEAR and the bro team (“The Shadows”) clocked in at 32-45 minutes for finish times.

Using some fancy math skills, the total average cost for our team was about $42 per person (or about $1 per minute) after a few early-bird discounts, with the higher end easily exceeding $100 + per person.

Next time, to get pretty much the same experience, I’d advise you to take a 3.5 mile jog, roll in the dirt, rinse off with a hose, and save that money for beer.

Punish Bear

Author Punish Bear

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