Alamo, TX – Earlier this week, comedian Jim Carrey shined a light on the Trump administration’s immigration laws. Carrey accused Trump of standing on the US-Mexico border and making all the illegal mothers line up so Trump could personally rip each child from the arms of its mother and then torture the children in front of the mothers, making them watch.
UNN reached out to the White House for a response to Carrey’s allegations. The White House responded, “Who the hell is UNN, and I thought Jim Carrey went bat-shit crazy?”
When UNN informed Carrey of the lack of progress with the White House, he said he knew someone who could help, and he put UNN in touch with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
Mr. Carrey Ace Ventura has set up headquarters on the US-Mexico border to search for the animals that are torturing the children. The latest report from headquarters is that Ace Ventura: Pet Detective has been unable to track down any child-torture centers on the border, but he does keep running into groups of MS-13. Mr. Ventura assures UNN he will continue the search.