Brooklyn, NY – Not the result of a rape, nor a drunken night out, this righteous abortion was done purely out of anger. An environmentalist was left with no choice but to poison a 60-year-old, 7-story-tall silver maple tree, “aborting it,” in his words, because, as he told UNN, “that piece-of-shit tree was blocking the sunlight from reaching my solar panels. How are we supposed to go green with all these fucking trees everywhere?”
We at UNN are struggling to find fault with this dedicated environmentalist’s logic. In some manner of speaking, it is about time that these trees give way to solar panels, and let them do their primary job – to abolish petroleum and coal as power sources – in order to abate Global Warming.
GO GREEN – IT’S TIME TO ABORT TREES FOR SOLAR POWER!