Feminists in Yoga Pants Make a Difference in Rural USA

By May 21, 2018Real Fake News

Natchitoches, LA – The stunning bravery of a senior at Cornell University last week has inspired women across the nation.

Letitia Chai, named for her favorite latte at Starbucks, took off her clothes during a thesis presentation to stand up against patriarchal oppression in her college town of Ithaca, NY. Her courage now has spread nationwide.

Down in rural Louisiana, Elizabeth Cooper told UNN that she’d decided “I’m tired of wearing dresses and skirts to please my man. I’m standing up to this oppression by wearing only yoga pants.” The women in her book club were skeptical it would work until town mayor Dick Johnson III said in an interview that “women have no business cavorting about town in yoga pants.” Determined to show the mayor and their husbands they won’t take that oppression anymore, the ladies took to the streets. Wearing nothing but tank tops and yoga pants, they began their “March For Our Wives.” For five whole miles, the women of Natchitoches marched down Main Street to show men just how they feel about their objectification and oppression. The men were in complete shock at this amazing display of unity.

Old Bubba, who runs the corner store, exclaimed, “Thank the Lord I had my defibrillator here, or I’d be a dead man!” Gimpy Joe was scared to comment for fear his wife would choose to stop marching in protest. The women felt it was a success. Jes Bell-Southern, a co-chair of the march, said, “Every door was opened for the women in yoga pants by the men in this town today. That is a vital first step toward understanding and unity.” When we finally caught up with Mayor Johnson, he simply admitted, “I was wrong; women should wear yoga pants anywhere they want.” It appears that both sides of the debate were satisfied with the outcome of the march.

Once the women had cleaned house and made dinner, they decided they would wear yoga pants every day. The men agreed they should wear whatever makes them feel empowered and suggested a weekly march to continue fighting the patriarchy. It appears that feminism is winning big in rural Louisiana.


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