Olympia, WA – Dr. Seuss was and still is an American treasure. His stories live in the hearts and minds of bibliophiles all around the world. He was also a closet socialist who regrettably had to hide his views during times of war in the United States. Dr. Seuss should be celebrated for his progressive Liberal views.

Unfortunately, Dr. Seuss has been largely ignored by modern progressives despite the clear messages he left in almost all of his whimsical tales. Recently, scholars at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington, pored over Dr. Seuss’s entire catalog and discovered his socialist allegories. Collaborating with UNN researchers, they discovered several unpublished drafts in the Seuss estate that Dr. Seuss and his descendants penned for adults but then put aside in favor of their less controversial children’s versions of the tales.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! – This story was found not to be written about the spirit of the family unit and strong communities changing the heart of the greedy Grinch. Its underlying intention is to demonstrate that greed for consumable items – a.k.a. Capitalism – is bad, and that people should be happy to share their wealth with each other. It’s a strong socialist concept that sharing what you earn brings you happiness.

The Grinch stole Christmas. Yes, he did.
His strategy: take down the grid.
He then made Whoville share its wealth.
Like Bernie Sanders, but with stealth.
The Grinch and Trump are both so greedy.
Let’s share our wealth to feed the needy.
Work hard, share hard – yes indeedy.
Socialism’s guaranteedy!

 

Horton Hears a Who! – Here, Dr. Seuss wrote the now infamous line “A person’s a person, no matter how small!” This line was twisted by Republicans as they attempted to bolster their disgusting pro-life campaign. Thankfully, Dr. Seuss demanded a retraction of the line, which was granted.

A person’s a person, just after he’s born.
It’s never too soon to preemptively mourn.

Dr. Seuss’s descendants authored this unpublished version of Horton, dated 2017:

Horton heard a Who or two.
They’re refugees now, thru and thru.
He took them all in, to protect,
With no passports. He should’ve checked!
That simple Horton built no wall.
So Whos sit and drink alcohol.
Their great Who-welfare pays for booze.
They don’t contribute. They refuse.

 

The Lorax – In this book, children are provided with positive environmentalist principles that are anti-consumerism. Dr. Seuss foresaw that global warming climate change would be the greatest moral challenge that our world would have to face.

Please be environmentalistic.
Otherwise, you are Fascistic.
Don’t observe the new statistic.
Earth is hot; that’s scientistic!
The Lorax spoke out for the trees.
And like Karl Marx, made guarantees.
He’s wise and green, leans to the Left.
And taxation he calls “not theft.”
Has no slide show, unlike Al Gore.
But talks like Al, forevermore.

 

The Sneetches – Evergreen researchers found that this story contained a wonderful blend of indoctrination about tolerance, diversity, and compromise. Dr. Seuss can now be credited with being the first public supporter of a future Palestinian state, due to this story’s notion that “stars” should be removed from the Sneetches. This was a clear anti-Semitic notion and can now be celebrated appropriately by Progressives the world over.

Don’t be a Sneetch; love Palestine.
To use free speech is asinine.
The Sneetches’ stars made them the most.
Their stars so great they had to boast.
When they felt shame for star-filled pride,
Off came their stars with peroxide.
They’re all the same now – none apart.
Their downfall was a bleeding heart.

 

Green Eggs and Ham – Parents often read this Seuss classic to children to implore them to try new things and share in wonderful, new experiences. However, Evergreen State College researchers found that the parable is actually about the use of force and political messaging to break the will of the average citizen. Sam-I-Am’s repeated message to the man he is pestering – that the man might enjoy food that he thinks he doesn’t like – eventually wears him down enough to try it. By that point, he is subconsciously driven to like the food, and he accepts it willingly. Indeed, readers may find themselves hoping that he just tries the green eggs and ham. This was found to be a truly positive approach for today’s progressive leaders. If you repeat a message enough, it will seem agreeable and will be accepted.

Here we have Green Eggs and Ham.
A tale told by that “Sam-I-am.”
That Lefty Sam wears one red hat.
He’s almost like that trickster cat.
He forced his views, that Sam-I-am.
“Re-educate” is Sam’s program.
And Sam-I-am wears down your will.
Until you say, “Socialism’s a thrill!”
Now all agree to eat green ham.
We’re re-programmed by Sam-I-am.

Dr. Seuss’s descendants, like most of us, are no fans of President Trump, it would seem from their version of Green Eggs and Ham below, in which they show a back-and-forth between the anti-Trump and pro-Trump factions:

Would you scold Trump once or twice?
Would you scold Trump thirty-thrice?
We all should scold our Presidents,
To oust them from their residence.
No! I love my Donald Trump!
I voted for that plump old grump.
Would you, could you jump for Trump?
Could you like that gruff old lump?
I don’t like that Trump the Chump.
I’d rather vote for Forrest Gump!
I could not vote for Trump the Chump.
In fact, I’d rather hump his rump.
Could you like old Trump the Chump:
If he used an old gas pump?
If he missed his first high jump?
If he lived in that tree stump?
If he fell down on his rump?
If his sump pump had a lump?
Or if you smelled his garbage dump?
I would not like old Trump the Chump!
I could not vote for grumpy Trump.
And if I jumped on Trump’s speed bump,
I’d fall down hard and thump my rump.
And if I smelled Trump’s garbage dump,
I’d have to use a stomach pump!

 

Thanks to the research at Evergreen State College, we can now all appreciate that one of our most treasured authors was also a force for positive change. Dr. Seuss can now be celebrated not just as an imaginative author but as a hero for the socialist movement.

America’s having a social schism,
The answer to which is socialism!

GentlemanWusker

Author GentlemanWusker

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Join the discussion 3 Comments

  • OverBearing says:

    If Dr. Seuss’s Christmas wish
    Was that we all were socialist,
    Then “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish”
    Should have been named “Ocean List”?

    OK, so that’s not my best pun.
    But, darn it, shouldn’t Seuss be fun?
    His pen was not a Tommy gun!
    You’re ruining his tales one by one.

    Your Evergreen sorority
    Is not a Seuss authority.
    It’s outside the majority
    With faux superiority.

  • GentlemanWusker GentlemanWusker says:

    No, I think our society
    Should mirror my propriety.
    i see things through a lovely prism
    Also known as socialism.

  • OverBearing says:

    Well *I* think our society
    Should mirror *my* propriety.
    I see things through the honest lens
    Of Capitalist Americans.

    In fact, if I may be so bold,
    Methinks you’re in a stranglehold
    Placed on you by the slimy Left
    Who’ve brainwashed you with logic-theft.

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