CNN Not Reinstating Jim Acosta’s Press Pass, Replacing Him with Writers from Hit Series ‘Lost’

By November 12, 2018Real Fake News

Atlanta, GA – CNN announced on Friday morning that it will not seek to reinstate Jim Acosta’s suspended White House press pass, deciding to do away with his position entirely. CNN is currently negotiating with Jeffrey Lieber, J.J. Abrams, and Damon Lindelof, creators of the 11-time Emmy Award winning ABC series Lost, with plans to let them create CNN’s White House reporting from its main office in Atlanta, Georgia.

“With today’s CGI technology and our new team’s writing skills, there really isn’t much need to actually travel to D.C.,” said CNN CEO Jeff Zucker in a phone interview with UNN late Friday afternoon.

Zucker commented about the change in direction: “We’ve already contacted Industrial Light and Magic to create our Trump images, White House Press Room background, and other visual effects. We feel that Jeff, J.J., and Damon are capable of creating very newsworthy content. Lost had that perfect level of believable conspiracy and gut-wrenching cliffhangers that kept you wanting to come back for the next episode, so I’m really excited to see what they can do for CNN.”

Industrial Light and Magic is most recently known for creating the visual effects of Jurassic World and Solo, Disney’s latest installment of the Star Wars series.

During the interview, UNN asked Zucker whether he felt that not having a presence in the White House could hurt CNN’s ability to report what was coming from inside the White House. “I suppose, but we really weren’t reporting much of what was coming out of the White House anyway. There were just too many inconvenient stories we were forced to avoid. 400+ African American Conservatives meeting with Trump, Kavanaugh’s FBI report listing an interview with a man who wasn’t Kavanaugh who likely had the sexual encounter with Dr. Ford, and the constant reports of how good the economy was going. Trust me, we were already headed in this direction. At least now the stories should have a little higher quality to them and might be a bit more believable. With these new changes, we are confident that the third season of Russia Collusion will the best one so far.”

Editor’s Note: UNN searched CNN’s website for any mention of the 400+ African American Conservative group that visited the White House late last month, and indeed Zucker was correct that CNN had not a single article covering it. CNN.com completely ignored the event.

SeeingEyeBear

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Hanging out in a cave in the forest. And the proper term is a "cinnamon" bear. Start calling me a brown bear and we're going to have a problem.

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