Seoul, South Korea – Members of the United Nations and climate scientists from around the world made their way to a summit on climate change this week, arriving by private jet and commercial airliner before cavalcades of gas-guzzling airport shuttles drove them to the event where they would discuss methods for ordinary people to change their lifestyles. One rogue attendee suggested that large meetings should take place via video conference to minimize the serious carbon footprint caused by long-distance traveling.
The scientists’ conclusion echoed those of Harvard scientists in 2000 who claimed that Earth would be beyond saving by 2007, as well as claims in 2007 by the WWF – the wildlife protection agency, not the former promoter of aggressively homoerotic, spandex-clad wrestlers – that Earth would be beyond saving by 2012.
Ever since Al Gore showed us that this is all super cereal, guys, with his movie An Inconvenient Truth, we have seen his predictions come true. Many cities have been swallowed up by the oceans, becoming a modern-day Atlantis. With this tragedy, though, there was a silver lining, as many inland properties suddenly acquired a stunning ocean view.
One scientist, Dr. Scruhew Manns, described humans as a disease and Earth’s temperature rise as a fever, using eerily similar language to the villain of the first Kingsman movie: “Our best hope lies in a super-volcano eruption reducing Earth’s population back to a more manageable 11,000 people, as it was in the past.”