Olin, Iowa – In a series of uneventful misfortunes, numerous individuals from a species traditionally known as “chiggers” have filed multiple lawsuits against entomologists to protest against their hateful name.
One particularly irritated disenfranchised insect had this to say:
“We are protesting this institutional prejudice and want to be called ‘chegroes’ or ‘insects of color.’ No more will we be called ‘chiggers’ or ‘redskins’.”
PETA and the NAACP quickly rushed to the defense of these poor souls:
“I just think that we need to give some respect where respect is due for all animals. Calling them ‘chiggers’ is one of the most severe hate crimes one could commit to another living being. Worse than calling someone a ‘nigger’.”
The last statement came from Sarah Jeong, a brave writer for the New York Times, in a UNN exclusive interview today.
The Supreme Court will be making a landmark decision on this watershed moment within the next few days. Until then, these insects will have to make do with their name, based on years of prejudice and oppression.