Ben Shapiro Claims He’s Not a Neo-Nazi

By July 12, 2018Real Fake News

Los Angeles, CA – As you may know, infamous neo-Nazi Ben Shapiro hosts the fastest-growing Conservative podcast in the nation, The Daily Wire. His wife is a doctor, but even she can’t treat him for his infection with alt-Right rhetoric. So today, after the very controversial Ben Shapiro Show featuring this known alt-Right extremist, we were able to get an exclusive interview opportunity with this short, possibly undernourished, and definitely unimposing neo-Nazi.

Warning: the following could trigger those who love soy.

UNN: So, Mr. Shapiro, what are your thoughts on the recent campaign to finally reveal you as a violent racist?

Ben Shapiro: Well, you see, gang, the people over at Vice and BuzzFeed have been trying to slander me for years. It’s, it’s just not true, folks.

UNN: So you’re NOT an influential Conservative in today’s media?

Shapiro: No, no, I AM.

UNN: So aren’t you attempting to force innocent minorities to have respect for themselves and take responsibility for their actions?

Shapiro: C’mon gang, you know I don’t force them. But I do think that if everybody did what you just said, they would be better off.  You will also be better off if you had perfect sheets to sleep on every night! That’s why my wife and kids and I use Boll & Branch sheets on our HelixSleep mattresses. So go on over and use promo code Ben for a great deal on the best sheets you’ve ever slept on!

UNN: Isn’t it true that you think that we need to force women to have babies and just live a happy life with a family?

Shapiro: I don’t want to force women. I just don’t want to kill babies. But I DO want people to live happily.

UNN: Mr. Shapiro, from what I’ve been hearing you say here, it’s obvious that you are indeed a neo-Nazi, and therefore it isn’t slanderous for BuzzFeed to tell the truth.

Shapiro: No, of course not! Folks, listen up. I am a 5′ 2″ 99-pound Jewish guy. Obviously, I can’t be a violent Nazi. This is exactly why I’m going on over to Birch Gold right now and buying more golden shekels using promo code Ben to protect my net worth against all the global instability from trade wars, monetary devaluation, and even the rise in global natural disasters!

UNN: But Vice says you are a neo-Nazi.

Shapiro: No, no, no. I’m Jewish. I can’t be a Nazi. I just think we shouldn’t kill babies and engage in government collectivization. And now, folks, if you want the rest of this interview, you’re gonna want to go on over to Daily Wire and subscribe for just 99 bucks a year and get this, the greatest of all drinking containers, my Leftist Tears Tumbler —

UNN: Thank you, Mr. Shapiro, but that will be quite enough.

Clearly, Ben Shapiro is a complete Nazi. He even said it word-for-word: “I can.. be a violent Nazi.” We must silence him and stop him from drawing people to his anti-Semitic Nazi rhetoric. We can do so by forcing him to wear a bright yellow Star of David at all times to allow people to avoid him in the streets. Make sure to read more of UNN’s investigatory journalism on the crimes of this violent Nazi.


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