DEAR MAULEEN: I was accused of cheating this week and got understandably irate about it. I wasn’t cheating – even if my coach was trying to cheat for me! I was penalized for that, and then I was penalized a point for getting upset about it! Then to top it all off, the umpire had the nerve to penalize me a whole game when I told him he was a liar and a thief for stealing the point from me! This was all bad enough, leaving me extremely angry, with a broken racket. But then some Kiwi drew a racist cartoon of me that went viral, depicting me as a spoiled brat. I have a child of my own and would never do anything to show her that cheating is OK. I have never cheated in my life! I know this was sexist against me, and I’m struggling with how to address it going forward.
Sore-Loser in Queens, NY
DEAR SORE-LOSER: Well, your name is fitting. What disgusts me about all this is that your temper tantrum detracted from Naomi Osaka’s win. This should have been the best moment in her young life, and you took that away. Perhaps we should be calling you a thief. I completely understand getting upset about being accused of cheating when you weren’t. Your coach, however, was attempting to. It’s unfortunate that the rules penalize you for that, but the rest of your actions you were accountable for. You did break the rules. It seemed to you and to the rest of us that men aren’t held to the same standards, but now that years of records have been checked, we know that men get three times as many penalties as women in your sport, so the OPPOSITE of what you claimed turns out to be true! Besides, when some get away with breaking a rule, that doesn’t mean it’s OK. Stop throwing fits and taking this as an attack. Congratulate your opponent, apologize for your outburst, and set an example by following all rules.
But about that elephant in the
room tennis stadium: On this same tennis court in 2009, you threatened the life of a line umpire. While you were penalized and lost the match, you were not permanently banned from the sport as you should have been, and you were not sent to jail for your crime. Just because you were famous and committed your felony on TV didn’t make it legal. The tennis authorities and New York police looked the other way. Be thankful for that. As a result of them going easy on you, you were allowed to keep winning more titles and millions of dollars and become indisputably the best woman tennis player of all time. If anything, the rules have been bent in your favor, not against you.
As for the cartoon – get over it. It’s a caricature. It’s supposed to be insulting.
DEAR MAULEEN: I was watching the news and updates about the hurricane the other day. I was traumatized when a worker in the background flashed the white-supremacist signal! Have these people even infiltrated rescue operations? Are we safe anywhere in our own country anymore? I’m horrified!
Horrified in White Signal, NM
DEAR HORRIFIED: Nope. You’re an idiot. I addressed this last week. It’s a hoax, and you Lefty lunatics keep falling for it. You are the only people being dog-whistled by this, and you’re barking aimlessly just like a mutt. Even the ACLU has admitted this is a hoax. For the love of God, get over it!
Do you have a question you’d like to ask Mauleen? Send your questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
UNN barely advises using any tips in Bearly Advisable. If you need help, seek a professional.