2019 Calendar Sales Skyrocket

By October 1, 2018Real Fake News

Christine, ND – As the nation collectively holds its breath awaiting the final vote for Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation, there is one bit of news that no one could have anticipated. Calendar sales skyrocketed this week.

Calendars, a staple of the printing industry, almost vanished years ago when electronic calendars began appearing in phones and other personal devices, but this year’s calendar sales are the highest since the mid-1990s. Advance orders for 2019 calendars are causing printshops everywhere to struggle to meet this new demand.

UNN has confirmed that over 300 closed calendar print shops have reopened in the last 24 hours to fit this new need, adding more than 2500 jobs to a once-decimated industry and setting off a spike in jobs related to both photography and swimsuit modeling.

UNN reached out to one such calendar printer, Ozzy’s Printshop in Christine, North Dakota, for its thoughts on the sudden increase in the business nationwide.

“It’s great!” said Ozzy’s very enthusiastic owner, Brad Ozoski. “This looks to be the best year we’ve had since I bought the business from my old man in ’97.”

When asked what calendars were selling, Ozoski said he was seeing increases in all genres, but most especially cars and sports calendars. “Guy stuff is what’s really driving my business this year. Calendars for guys – ones that have plenty of room for writing in names and such. We even have a new Kavanaugh edition. Each day has room for up to 10 names with a yes/no section next to them allowing owners to mark whether they had sexual relations with each person listed. They’re already ordering those calendars for 2020. We hardly ever get orders more than a year out. I’ve had to add on to my building just to keep up. I keep getting fathers calling in to order calendars for their sons. They’re making sure their sons don’t get Kavanaughed in 35 years.”

SeeingEyeBear

Author SeeingEyeBear

Hanging out in a cave in the forest. And the proper term is a "cinnamon" bear. Start calling me a brown bear and we're going to have a problem.

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  • OverBearing says:

    Has Ozzy’s Printshop in Christine, North Dakota, starting printing those dartboard-shaped posters with the image of Christine Blasey Ford yet?

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